Tuesday, November 17, 2009

I'm going to a Memorial Service for my friend's mom who passed away?

My friend's mom just died a week or 2 ago from cancer, and I'm attending the memorial service for her. I personally only met her once, but I'm good friends with her son.

I'm going with one of my friends and his family, who knew her very well, so I'm guessing that they are going to bring flowers or something.

I'm almost 14. I'm wearing a black pencil skirt, and a black cropped suit-jacket thing, with a dark plum colored tank top underneath, with black flats.

So, should I bring anything? Is what I'm wearing acceptable? What would be considered too flashy? How should I act?


I'm going to a Memorial Service for my friend's mom who passed away?
I think your outfit sounds fine unless it's actually a lot sexier than it seems...low cut top for example. Knee length is fine as well. If you are concerned and have something looser, go with that just to be safe.

Nobody will expect you to bring anything but you may if you wish. Keep it simple and not too bright.

As far as behaviour...quiet and demure is best if in doubt but feel free to take your lead from the family you are attending with.

All that being said...I've noticed that funerals are not the black affairs they used to be. Family often prefer to remember their loved one joyfully and with bright colours.

It might be wise to ask your friends what they are wearing just to confirm your dark choice.

You seem sensible and reasonable...I'm sure you'll know how to behave when you get there.

I've very sorry for your friend's loss.
Reply:What you are wearing sounds just right, and your mere presence is all you need to bring. You just "greet" the immediate family members and say you're so sorry about their "Mom", "wife", etc.
Reply:i am sorry to hear about your friends mom. what you are going to wear seems nice(just make sure its not too tight. that would be a bit inappropriate) and maybe making a small charitable donation to the American cancer society ( your parents might be willing to help you with that) in her name would be a nice gesture. when i was in the 9th grade my friends mom and my grandmother died of breast cancer and every year i raise money for the race for the cure.
Reply:Your outfit sounds tasteful and lovely. Sounds appropriate for a woman your age. Don't worry about flowers, the custom is to have an arrangement sent to the place of the memorial service ahead of time so bringing them could be awkward.

You're going for your friend, not his mom. So worry about him. His mother's problems are over.

As to how to act, don't draw attention to yourself. It's about the family, not about whether anyone thinks you're "acting" right. Don't insist on sitting with your friend unless invited to, don't cry loudly and hug on him unless he does first, don't draw attention to yourself in any way.

Don't you have a mother and/or father to tell you this sort of stuff?
Reply:The thing to keep in mind is that funerals are for the living, not the dead. Thus, I think it is great you will be there for your friend at this emotional time.

I'm not a fashion expert, but your attire seems appropriate for someone your age. In general, the acceptable dress code for funerals in our society is to dress in black, or dark colors as a sign of respect. After all, the service is meant to honor the deceased person, not have everyone stare at you in your red sequin dress, instead.

Also, how you conduct yourself during the service is equally (if not more) important. Express how you truly feel (if you don't know what to say, then say "I don't know what to say" and offer a hug, instead). It's best to be on your best behavior since the relatives of the deceased person are already upset enough. You seem concerned enough about doing the right thing at the memorial service that I think you'll do just fine.

A token gift is usually appreciated at a memorial service. Many people give flowers or potted plants. These may or may not be appreciated later (flowers wilt, potted plants need care). A condolence card with a short handwritten message inside may be the best thing for you in this situation. I like the suggest by another person that you make a charitable contribution to the American Cancer Society. This is a great idea.

Another idea is to suggest to your friend that you'd like to plant a tree in his mother's honor at a later date. Trees have spiritual significance in many faiths as symbols of life (this life or the afterlife). Additionally they're good for the environment, and can serve as a living memory for your friend that may last his whole life as well.
Reply:Your outfit seems fine, and you are not required to bring anything, except for a sincere desire to support your friend in his time of need. It would be comforting for your friend to know that you remember something nice about his mother, so try to think back to the one time you met her, and the impression she made on you. Perhaps you noticed how lovely she was, or how kindly she spoke to you, or even that she offered you some delicious little treat. Sharing a fond memory is usually the best comfort one can offer. Remember that "Memorial" means "To Remember". Conversations should not touch on subjects that would be disrespecful to her or her memory. If you feel like you should say something to your friend, express your regret that you did not have the opportunity to know her better, and encourage your friend to share some things about her that he loved best.

You'll be fine.

No comments:

Post a Comment